Nature called in the middle of the night last night. As I travelled from my bedroom to the bathroom, I was in that half sleepwalking fog, half scurrying mode where you don't really open your eyes, you just intuitively know how to blindly get from one place to the other... quickly.
Imagine my surprise after I rounded the living room and entered the kitchen... and stepped in... dog doo. My words were close to, but not exactly, "Ew, Ew Ewwwww... darn it!" Then imagine the rush of adrenaline as the fog lifted and I remembered that I don't have a dog!
I hopped the rest of the way into the bathroom, as a sound, that I have never heard before, was coming from my mouth. Fear had now replaced all my previous grogginess. So much so, that I was afraid to turn on the light. I didn't want to see what was mushed between my toes and I sure didn't want to see what had slithered into my house in the middle of the night! Oh God, please don't let there be slugs or snakes on this ranch.
Ewwwww! I felt like crying. I felt like throwing up. I felt like calling my sisters, my mom, and all my friends to come help me. I felt afraid to leave the bathroom. I felt afraid to even move. I felt paralyzed. I felt completely undone. I felt... like... I could... smell... banana.
I must have missed the trash can earlier in the evening when I threw away the bruised part. Relief doesn't begin to express my feelings that calamity had been diverted. Holy cow what a night. Dear God, I promise to never miss the trash can after eating a banana, if you promise that there will never ever be dog doo or slimy, slithery things on this ranch or in my house. Do we have a deal? Thank you. Amen
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