Giving

The majority of anxiety that continually buzzes in and around every country is created by humans.

We each are offered the opportunity to choose to be the type of human who brings peace to the our world.

During this season of giving, why not intentionally give love, give joy, and give peace to those we know and to those we happen upon.

Who knows... a soulful gift may change the world. At the very least, it will lessen the anxiety we all feel.

Be True

In the night, when there is no one to see the image I project, my soul speaks.

She calls to me; cries for me, "Be real. Be true. Be you."

Although my ear may hear, my heart must choose.

Courage, and nothing less, is required for me to respond. Yet, it will take nothing more than knowing I am loved for me to simply be who I am.

Flawed, imperfect, and beautifully loved.

Holding within my being the ability to not only receive goodness, kindness, mercy, forgiveness, and love, but to become the beloved.

Become the beloved who gives away those very same things to the world, who is also called the beloved.

Be real. Be true. Be you. The world joins with our souls and cries out for our authenticity.

Love one another.

A Mile in My Own Shoes

Today, I walked a mile in my own shoes, and I wondered what I missed because of the familiarity of my soles.

Today, I walked a mile in my own shoes, Doc Martins, earth tones, and flannel in the midst of heels, flair, hair, and makeup.

Today, I walked a mile in my own shoes, and when I arrived home, I soaked my feet in salted waters.

Today, I walked a mile in my own shoes, and I pondered the other souls in my life, I felt grateful they march to a different drummer.

Today, after I walked a mile in my own shoes, I was thankful I don't wear heels. 

The Enemy of Our Soul

My house remains empty. I have no connections, though I collect humans like knick knacks; they clutter my being with their mundanity. Nothing and everything crowds me.

They say I am evil, I am insane. No, I say, I am them. Mirrors don't lie; images do. No matter how one looks at it, I am hell. I haunt myself with images of my prey. My words are mere reflections of their dark hearts. I am sanely crazy. I am my mission. My eyes ever seek those whom I will devour.

I'm resting now, though not in peace. Never peace. I'm dreaming of war where weapons are words inspired by hatred. War is my playground. The only place I can be. I am living death. I am the fire which fuels hatred. I tempt the wounded just as I tempted the wounder.

With every accusation I thrive. Lies are my dear, dear children. You and I, we are family. Yet, I am ever empty. I continually thirst. I gag on your naivete; the bile is ever so sweet.

Never will I be finished. I'll draw the life from mankind, one breath at a time. I am Acheron, the river of woe. Woe is nothing more than me. I laugh at calamity. I laugh at pain. I laugh at you. I.. I... I... what? What's this? What are you doing? What? No, no, no, no, no! You rob me when you forgive your enemy. You banish me when you love.

Yet, let one miniscule offence capture your attention, and I will return. I will exploit a wound until the wounded becomes the wounder. All it takes is a dash of pride.

Yes, I will be back. Never peace. Never hope. Never love. No. Never. I live in the darkness of your making. Feel free to judge everyone... except, of course, yourself. We'll have no humility here. Humility is weakness in disguise. Remember your rights. Others thwart what should be yours. Take it back by force. Yes, that's right. Come closer. Warm yourself by my fires. There's always room for rage.

How easy it is to deceive. How easy it is to lead the offended into pride. I am the enemy of your soul, yet I masquerade myself as vengeance. Oh, righteous indignation, how I thrive on you. How I exploit with imaginations of a righteous vengeance.

I am the accusor, the father of lies. You are welcomed to mimic me. Be my voice. That's right, be my voice, sweet bile of mine.

I am the enemy of your soul. 

A Kindness Tapped on the Window of My Soul

A kindness tapped on the window of my soul. The echo sent caution down my spine.
I was reminded of the bird who called at my pane... tapping, "I'm with you; all will be fine."

I gazed at my visitor with questioning eyes. And timidly opened the window.
Kindness flew in and entered my heart...
As I welcomed the blessings bestowed.

Fear not, my friend, when birds come to call. Like those who tap on your door.
A kind deed is truly an amazing gift.
Yet their friendship is so much more.

Is There Hope For The Future?

Conversations regarding:

Is There Hope For The Future?

1: Can't see it happening;
We've not met yet.

2: Yeah, I don't know you.

1: I am your neighbor.

2: How can it be that
We don't trust one another?

1: We're the same.

2: But
We're different.

1: It's obvious
Yet, we're all human.

2: We identify with groups;
Not people.

1: We love our beliefs,
But we've remained strangers.

2: We're both lonely.

1&2: Yes, we have need of one another.

                             ***

1: Yes, we have need of one another;
We're both lonely.

2: But we've remained strangers.

1: We love our beliefs;
Not people.

2: We identify with groups;
Yet, we're all human.

1: It's obvious
We're different.

2: But
We're the same;
We don't trust one another.

1: How can it be that
I am your neighbor?

2: Yeah, I don't know you.

1&2: We've not met yet;
Can't see it happening.

                             ***

Same words; different outcome. Which conversation do you fall into?

Treating Others Kindly

It's easy to fall into the rut of condemning others, known or unknown, for their opinions that are contrary to our own.

I know this to be true because I trip over my calloused words more often than I'd like to admit. So I have to ask myself, "Would I treat someone I love and respect, one who holds a different opinion than me, the same way I'm about to treat this other person, whether they are a stranger or friend?"

The odds are I will speak my mind to my loved one, but I hope, at least, I will try to do so with some sensativity.

It's my hope as I journey in social media that I will learn to extend that same grace to every person I come across.

These are volital times, they will not change on their own. We all have a part to play. I want to do better. I want to elevate kindness over my desire to win an argument.
I want the people I come in contact with to be valued higher than my  ever-changing thoughts and ideas. It might be that I only have one chance to represent myself. I'd rather the other person walk away and at least think about my words because I showed kindness than dismiss them because I was an ass.

I know at times I have fallen short of my desires, and for those times, I ask for your forgiveness. In the future, I will try to do better.

Power Corrupts

I not only find it suspicious, I find it wrong when the person who holds the most power in a country rails against and tries to silence those who say they are being treated unjustly by those in power in a country.

The suppresive words of those accused of the wrongdoing readily verify the the claims of those being oppressed.

In the case of kneeling for a national anthem, to say that stance is unpatriotic and speaks against those who fight for a country is a false equivalency.

A soldier takes an oath when they join the military to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States.

The 1st Amendment of that same constitution states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Logically speaking, those who would suppress "the right of the people peaceably to assemble (or kneel), and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances," are the ones who are acting in a unpatriotic way.

Racism in America has been and continues to be a major issue. Silencing fellow Americans or standing with those who wish to silence others, only proves racism is alive and active.

A racist never thinks their words, actions, or desires are wrong. To do so would require them to release the power and privilege they have over others.

"All men are created equal," should be more than a motto; it should be a truth we all live by.

Perhaps, white America... myself included, it's time for us to wake up to the conscious and unconscious ways we have suppressed others.

Power, among mortals, leads to corruption; yet the only people blind to the corruption are the ones who hold the power.

Beyond the Beaten Path

I want to live one step beyond the beaten path

I want to see untamed time.

I want to be held captive by a falling leaf

I want to see a raindrop fall from my eyelash instead of rolling down my window pane

I want to hear words others speak with their eyes

I want to enjoy unpredictable moments

I want to experience awe when I look into the face of another

I want to appreciate uniqueness instead of normality

I want to hear the tales of wrinkles and gray hair

I want to hear the wind chuckle as it shapes the clouds

I want to witness the light innocence of a child's laughter as hope is born in an adult's shadowed life

I want to experience more than the familiar mantra of expectation

I want to live in wonder of the world's precious humanity

I want to step out my doorway with hopeful excitement

I want love's tendrils to be stronger than life and as tender as an infant's smile

I want to be free of the shackles of routine

I want to enjoy the seasons of my days as well as my years

I want to connect with souls and respect their mysteries

I want to connect with nature and know we live within one another

I want to connect with me and feel the longing for life beyond my constructed fences of safety

I want enjoy the risk of living life

I want to live one step beyond the beaten path

Be Still and Breathe

Sometimes the most essential thing we can ever do is to be still.

Breathe in... breathe out...
Breathe in...

In my quiet there is always noise. It's my noise. Not the world's. Not others. Not circumstances.

Ringing in my ears. Slow soft breaths. Creaking of bones. A yawn and the muffled sound of my ear popping.

Small, insignificant movements. Yet it is okay. I am still. I am quiet. I am me.

Stillness invigorates me. The inside me. The soul me. The real me.

The me who is. The me who trusts. The me who enjoys. The me who loves.

Quietly, as I connect with my inner self, connection seaps into my being and says, "You belong."

It is only then that I can face the world, my world, my friends, my neighbors, my life... with peace.

I don't have to strive to find my place in and amongst others.

When I accept my place on this ever changing globe,

when I am still in a world of movement,

when I acknowledge the beauty of my surroundings,

when I allow myself to remember every single one of us are imperfect,

every single one of us desires love, acceptance... belonging

then I can hear the still, small voice in my soul speak... words which are meant for my ears alone.

There is much to do in life. Doing is golden when it is birthed in stillness, in the calm moments, in self acceptance, in being.

Learning how to be. Learning how to be me. Learning to allow me to be.

It is okay. It is life. It is okay.

Breathe in...

Breathe out...

Now engage... in life, in people, in listening, in kindness, in loving, and sometimes in speaking.

Breathe...

Opinion

This is the honest to God truth: I do not know what to believe anymore about anything. Religion, politics, and life are so vulnerable to the interpretation of every single one of us that truth has become nothing more than an opinion. We are a passionate people who are clamoring to have our thoughts be known. And in the process of our adamant rhetoric, truth seems to be lost. When we can easily justify hatred, hypocrisy, and arrogance because we are fervently trying to persuade others that we hold the absolute truth, the only thing that we have revealed is that our truth is based on our own thoughts and emotions. The beauty of truth is that it does not need imperfect people to prove its existence.  It is not validated by who believes it, anymore than it is made stronger by our belief. The heart, the life, and the wellspring of truth is love. If love is not the center of our beliefs and our actions within the arenas of religion, politics, and life then we have merely deluded ourselves into thinking that we hold the truth. If religion was based on loving our neighbor, if politics was based on loving our neighbor, and if life was based on loving our neighbor, I think we would be much closer to understanding what truth is. At this point in time, everybody’s opinion, including my own, is just noise and the confusion of it all has brought me to the realization that I need a radical change. Rhetoric needs to be replaced by silent service, hatred with love, hypocrisy with truth, and arrogance with humility. If we want change, we have to be the change. If I want change, I have to be the change. I may not know what to believe in these areas anymore, but I do know this, I am tired of societal division. I am weary of one side demonizing the other and vice versa. I long for peace, which in my mind is just mutual respect in regards to religion, politics, and life. Is this possible or is it just a pipe dream?

Love & Forgiveness

I've come to the conclusion that the meaning of life is wrapped up in two things... love and forgiveness.

I'll be honest with you, I've struggled with both.

To know I am loved and to love, to know I am forgiven and to forgive are things I wrestle with over and over again.

When I think about the dailyness of my life. When I step back and purposely ponder the pieces, whether those are the people who orbit my life, the places I've found myself in, the priorities I've chosen to follow, or the events which were beyond my control.

What I've found is... if love and forgiveness are undervalued or all together absent, my life becomes fragmented.

I become irritated in my own unique ways, and I point my finger at different pieces and blame them for my discomfort.

What I end up with is a handful of glass shards. Although I am aware they have been broken from the main, I take their fragility for granted and try to push it all aside.

Until I realize, all that orbits (people, places, events) are truly a part of who I am.

At that point, I slowly, one at a time, reach for the pieces. I examine them. I acknowledge the brokenness. I remember the moment, the place, and what priority I valued at the time.

I look at the wound. I ask myself, is it one I carry or did I inflict it on another?

Either way, the circumstance has to be acknowledged. It has to be owned. And it has to be enveloped by love and forgiveness.

If not, I remain fragmented.

Yet, if I allow myself to feel the pain of the brokenness, if I allow myself to acknowledge my desperate need for love, if I choose humility, subdue my ego, and remember my need for love and realize others have that same need as well, I begin to release my defensive stance, and I forgive.

Love and forgiveness are not one in the same. They are two completely separate entities. Yet they move in, about, and around one another, always complimenting, always preferring, and always respecting boundaries.

As I draw the pieces to myself, as I place them in their proper places, as I love or receive love, as I forgive or be forgiven, and as I love and forgive again and again, the fragments become a mosaic.

My life becomes me instead of a series of people, places, priorities, and events.

I become whole as I was always meant to be.

And the shards which once represented only pain becomes an integral piece of mosaic beauty.

Letting love and forgiveness move in, out, and around our lives is more than a dance.

Mastering love and forgiveness is not the goal in life.

Love and forgiveness are life. Yet they will always let us choose how we live in this life.

I want to choose well. And although I feel vulnerable, the risk and the ensuing soul-peace are better than the brokenness.

Our Words Reveal Our Hearts

In any natural disaster the best and worst of humanity are revealed. The best of humanity are those who spring into action to bring aid to those who are suffering. The worst of humanity are those who sit back and blame others for making "God" strike out in judgement to cause the masses to suffer.

Why is it those who so eagerly blame a natural disaster on a particular group of people, never take responsibility for a similar "God" induced tragedy that was caused by their own sin?

I've never heard any of these blamers say, "I am so sorry that my sin brought on the judgement of God. People, who are innocent of the specific way I sin, have been hurt by my God. I am so sorry my sin made God destroy you, your lives, and your loved ones."

No, blamers are blind to their own sinful ways and words. They'd rather use God as a tool to further their own agenda than grieve with humanity over the destruction caused by a natural disaster.

Their ugly words have revealed their hearts.

God is not a two-faced God who with one hand destroys life, and with the other hand brings aid for the victims of a natural disaster.

God will be found in the comforting of those who suffered harm and were displaced. God will also be found in the good will of those who bring aid. God does not stand behind the words and callous hearts of the blamers, for to do so, he would have to deny the goodness within himself.

An arbitrary god is not a trustworthy god. An arbitrary god cannot claim to be good if he selects to harm random people to bear the judgement for the perceived sin of another.

In their words, these blamers have revealed the littleness of the god they serve as well as the darkness of their own hearts.

My heart aches for the deception the worst of humanity revels in, but my heart absolutely breaks for the people who happen to be in the path of a natural disater.

I know that love, kindness, and aid will undoubtedly be available to those who are grieving over the loss incurred due to a natural disaster. And I also believe that mercy will triumph over any judgement people who blame can bring.

Our prayers are directed to a loving God who is not defined by dark, shifty shadows. Our prayers are directed to a God who is light, who is love, and who is good. And this God dearly loves all the people of this world.

To all who are suffering, please know God is not against you. He, and the majority of the people who follow Him, mourn with you and will do all we can to bring comfort to you.

To all those who are blamers, your words do not represent Jesus or His Father at all. Silence, at this point, would be perceived as wisdom. Please, if you have any decency within, you'll stop talking now.

To Life

One day, when heaven's gates are flung open, when the table is set, and all are seated, Jesus will lift his wine glass in welcome and say, "To Life!"

And in that exact moment, all of our preconceived notions of God, our petty boundaries with our neighbor, and the prideful image we have of ourselves will crumble.

When perfect love dispels the fear we've enthroned, we'll realize, when we judged and hated our neighbor, we judged and hated God.

And as we lift our glass in response to life, we will finally become aware of the fact that we have been forgiven since the words were spoken on the cross when the empathy of God peacefully overcame the violence of humankind.

And maybe for the first time in all of our lives, we will truly breathe. And then we will collectively say, "Thank you," as we begin to understand what love truly means.

My Heart is Heavy

My heart is heavy

My heart is heavy for I am alone

I am alone; I am unwelcome in the church

My heart is full of heaviness, my life feels the emptiness of separation

I am bereft

They say it's my fault

They say I am lost

They say I am evil for loving a woman

Their words do not call me home

They merely are spoken to divide us further

They say, "If you insist on being you than go die and be tormented for eternity."

As I drift away in loneliness, a heavy midst shrouds my heart

The words spoken echo in my ear

From a distance I hear, "We love you. That love compels us to condemn you."

I tilt my head at their words

Then wonder why I am sad for being excluded

And I realize... I love those who have condemned me and I grieve over the loss

And although I ache as I drift in the torrent we call life, I know that I will sleep well knowing I chose love instead of hate

In light of the Nashville Statement

In light of the Nashville Statement: To all my friends and family who accept me and other LGBT people as we are... thank you. Please know your kindness is not a sin. I am more than confident we will all be in heaven. I only hope my residence in heaven is next door to one of the signers of this asinine document, so every time I walk out my door and see my neighbor, I can smile at him and sincerely say, "I'm so glad you're here with the rest of God's family."

Love, peace, and forgiveness... we can't live well without them.

Grammar Arrogance

I've noticed a frequency of Facebook posts lately, some are typed, some are memes. Both types are regarding others imperfect writing skills. Each time I read these posts, it breaks my heart. Shame should never be a tool to teach, call out, or correct others. It's counterproductive.

So I am writing to all the people who take pride in their perfect use of grammar.

Let me preface my reaction by saying, if you have reached out to kindly aid others in their weakness, thank you. Your help has been invaluable as well as graceful. I, and others, appreciate your kindness and instruction.

However, to those of you who think proper grammar translates to moral superiority, you are mistaken. Your judgement and arrogance is ugly and it actually makes you look stupid when you boast about your greatness by belittling others.

Yes, some people did not appy themselves in school. Yet many others have had to contend with a learning disability, or early trauma which caused them to shut down instead of learning. Some had poor teachers or teachers who shamed them. Some were discouraged from learning for reasons you have no idea about.

Social media is SOCIAL. It is not academic. We all use it to connect with those in our social circles. We are using technology rather than our voices to communicate. For some of us we've written and read more in the last decade than we ever have in our lives. We don't write perfectly, but we are trying.

Feel free to go to scholarly sites and critique away, but let social media be about the people first. If someone on your feed has difficulty writing, either private message them and offer instruction gracefully or scroll by without reading. But do not correlate their character with their skill. And do not shame them!

If you are so petty as to judge another's character on their ability to write a perfectly structured sentence that is grammatically correct with proper punctuation and spelling then your pride has deceived you. Your boasting has revealed your flaws. Welcome to the human race where no one is perfect.

True, some folks are weak in their writing skills. Also true, some folks have mastered that skill and yet, have become arrogant. What do these two things mean? Both parties have a lot to learn.

We're all on this journey together. Let's do and say things that are helpful and encouraging to one another. Let's stop shaming one another. Let's be kind.

Love vs. Hate

In these times, when fellow citizens rally and march under the banner of their desire to extinguish other human beings, I'd like to hear some talk on what "loving your enemy," looks like.

Violence for violence is not the answer. An eye for an eye... a life for a life has never worked well in establishing peace.

I don't claim to know a lot, but it seems to me if we do not have a plan before things escalate more than they already have, we will not as individuals, as communities, or as a nation fare well.

On an individual level, I have come to the conclusion that retaliation only breeds retaliation.

I've also found that a major part of loving and being loved has to have a willingness to forgive woven through it.

I do not think forgiveness means justice is forgotten or ignored, but on a societal level, I don't know what it will look like.

In this scenario, when people advocate for mass murder,  what does loving our enemy look like?

Speak Up

There is not one of us who has never come face to face with our own self righteousness, bitter opinions, or hatred. Those very things are the enemies of our souls. If we allow them to fester and do not deal with them, they will wreck havoc in our lives and the lives around us.

Blame becomes habitual, self grandiosity becomes a cloak to justify wrongdoing toward a selected enemy, and deception leads us into a smaller and smaller world where we blame our enemy for our own discomfort. It is a vicious cycle.

We cannot make another feel any different than they do. It is absolutely the responsibility of each of us to deal with our own strongholds within.

However, when another's "belief" of white supremacy, bigotry, and hatred are mixed to promote violence, destruction, and potential loss of life by an individual or a group of individuals, society, meaning, you and I, have the responsibility to speak out.

If we choose to not use our voices, if we allow hatred to rule the day, if we think what occurred in Charlottesville is not our problem then guess what... we are a part of the problem. We have allowed apathy for white supremacy, bigotry, and hatred to take root in our souls. We've justified our inaction, and in our silence, we give permission to those who would use hatred as a weapon to harm other human beings.

We all have a responsibility folks. If we don't speak out now, hatred is like a cancer, it will grow. Be aware, this type of cancer attacks not just individuals, but whole societies.

People can have their own beliefs, but no one should be allowed, in any way, to harm another for having a different skin color, a different religion, a different ethnic background, a different gender, a different orientation, or for standing up for a member of one of the aforementioned groups.

As Martin Luther king Jr said, "There comes a time when silence is betrayal."

Yes, we must allow freedom of speech, but that freedom is not translated to mean freedom of violence. There is no mistaking the fact that behind the white supremacist's rhetoric is violence. We must call an evil word or deed what it is... an evil. Otherwise, we are complicit with the one perpetuating the evil.

Each one of us has a choice to make. We must choose wisely.

White supremacy is wrong. Bigotry is wrong. Hatred is wrong. Violence is wrong.

There is no excuse for the violence that happened in Virginia today. It was wrong.

Risking My Heart

I've never planted a tree. Nor have I made a baby. I have, however, nurtured a child.

I have admired flowers in the spring, and I've wilted under the hot, summer sun. I've cried when I saw the colors of fall, and gasped in awe as I awoke to snow drifts peeking into the window of my bedroom on the second floor, yet in all my years, I wonder if I have ever truly risked my heart.

My eyes have seen raw beauty. I have marveled at people who encapsulate their culture. Teardrops have fallen from nothing more than receiving a smile from a stranger. I have walked through tropical forests as well as cities founded thousands of years ago. I've beheld and been inspired by the drawings of children just as much as I have been enthralled by the works of world renown artists. I've stood silently and gazed up at the universe while praying for the courage to speak. I've swatted a fly without feeling, while weeping over the death of a loved one, and yet, I wonder if I have ever risked my heart.

Years go by in a blink of an eye. The trail I'm following has just begun to descend the hill. I've set goals, attained some, and discarded most because I fear failing. I've hoped when all seemed hopeless. And still, I've walked away from a sure thing. I've loved and been loved, I've liked and been liked, I've wounded and been wounded, I've forgiven and I've been forgiven. And sometimes, it has taken a long time to forgive or be forgiven. Sometimes, I feel bitter and cynical on one day and carefree and trusting on the next, and still, I wonder if I've ever risked my heart.

Life is more than the length of days. It is more than the beauty surrounding me. My experiences have helped to shape me, but they don't necessarily define me.

No, I've never planted a tree. I have merely scattered seeds.

Perhaps, a seed amongst humans is a kind act, a smile, a friendship, a willingness to love.

I will share my thoughts today. I'll continue to scatter seeds in both word and deed, and perhaps, as time goes by, I'll find as I rest beneath a tree, that I have risked my heart afterall.

Woman vs. Machines

It was supposed to be a quiet day, a productive day, a day of recharging my internal batteries by doing what I love... reading and writing in peace and in silence. I was supposed to put the finishing touches on ten short stories. It was supposed to be a stress free day.

It seems the computer in my living room and smoke detector in my kitchen had an entirely different agenda for me.

I'm now filled with bitterness toward a machine and an alarm.

As far as I know, there is no correlation between my computer crashing and the batteries dying in the smoke detector. But I can tell you, when the alarm went off seconds after the computer crashed, it scared the living daylights out of me! I'm pretty sure the entire town of Turlock has been evacuated by now. With all the noise blasting from my little home, how could they not.

The lady who resides in the alarm keeps screaming at me to get out of the house, and I find her, and her shrill voice, a bit unsettling. I'm not cooking anything, there is no fire or smoke, but the b*#☆h won't shut up! And yet, I still followed her instructions... twice. OMG! Where's my hammer!

My ears won't stop ringing. The voice is gone, but the beeping resides. The dogs are barking. A spider made a home behind the alarm and now she and her family are on the move toward the living room. I can't find my can of Raid, and my concentration, good mood, and good will toward all living creatures has completely flown the coop.

Death, destruction, and absolute mayhem have leaked from their hiding place within. It pains me to know they were even there. I found it surreal as I watched myself unleash a reign of terror on the spider while chasing it with an out-stretched hand that clutched the alarm that was beeping and screaming, "Get out of the house!" In the other hand was my hammer. The symbol of my great prowess was held aloft in a threatening manner while sweat streamed from my grip. It was as if my hammer was salivating and hungry for vengence. BAM!

Not by any means was this a good day for peace.

Deep breaths, Donna. This is a frustrating setback on many levels. And even though the freaking alarm sounds like it, it is not the end of the world.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I can hardly wait for it. Who knows what adventure life will bring. H-o-l-y
s-m-o-k-e-s! The damn thing is still making noise! Excuse me while I go smash that bleeping, beeping alarm once again!

Hiya!!!

Friends, it won't stop beeping, and I've completely lost it. I've lost my mind. 🤤 The machines have won. The Matrix is here. And I am now waiting for Agent Smith to come and insert a bug into my belly button. All is lost. Life as I know it is over.

Beep-beep-beep...beep-beep-beep... beep-beep-beep...

Be a Friend

A friend of mine once said, "If you want a friend, be a friend."

Wise words. Take them to heart. Mull over them. Let them grow inside your being. Water them. Tend to them. Do them. Enjoy them.

If you want a friend, be a friend.

If you want kindness, be kindness.

If you want joy, be joyous.

If you want love, be loving.

If you want peace, be peaceful.

Even with all the senseless actions that are happening in our world, this globe keeps spinning, the sun rises and sets, pain lingers for days on end, and sometimes we hear good news which makes us smile. Sometimes we hear a baby giggle and it makes us cry. That tear holds the pain of our todays and the hope of our tomorrows.

When you see a soul who is hurting, comfort them. Be kind, be loving, be joyful, be peace.

Your words and actions make a difference.

Be a friend.

Love Never Fails

Love does not fail. Yet, oftentimes, I do fail. Even so, please know I want to love well.

So today...

I will choose to be patient with myself and with others

I will choose to be kind to myself and to others

I will choose to not envy others

I will choose to not boast about myself

I will choose to not be haughty towards others

I will choose to not dishonor others

I will choose to not be self-seeking

I will choose to not be easily angered by any offence (word or deed)

I will choose to keep no record of wrongs done to me or done to others

I will choose to not delight in evil

I will choose to rejoice with the truth

I will choose to protect

I will choose to trust

I will choose to hope

I will choose to persevere

I may fail at one or all of these, but please know that today, I recognise I want unfailing love to guide me.

I choose to try.

Humans are worth it.
Animals are worth it.
Nature is worth it.
Love is worth it.

Ponderings: Forgiveness, Mercy, and Love

There is not a person in the world who has not been wounded by the wrongdoing of another.

Each of us, in one way or another, to one extreme or another, has been wronged by someone in word, action, or thought.

We have all been tainted by another's shortcomings.

This is our truth.

                              ***

There are no innocent people when it comes to wrongdoing.

Each of us, in one way or another, to one extreme or another, has wronged someone in word, action, or thought.

We have all tainted others, and been tainted by our own shortcomings.

This is our truth.

                              ***

If I cry out for mercy and forgiveness for my wrongdoing and yet, refuse to extend mercy and forgiveness to a person who has wronged me, I have compounded my wound, and dealt a wound to my enemy as well.

For how would I feel if God or another refused mercy and forgiveness to me?

                              ***

In the cycle of wound and retaliatory wounding, my ego becomes fortified. I bolster myself with pride and anger, so much so, that I do not realize what I am doing in perpetuating the cycle.

When denial sets in, my retaliation (wrongdoing) becomes right and is justified because my woundedness has been elevated to a higher position than a human.

Unforgiveness strips the offender of their humanity; they are now only an enemy. It is easier to retaliate with harm to an enemy than it is to retaliate harm to a man or woman.

The statement, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing," is no less true today than it was when Jesus cried it out from the cross.

All pain comes from an offence, albeit real or perceived.

All forgiveness comes from loving others as we love ourselves.

There is not one person who is innocent of wrongdoing.

Love and forgive yourself anyway.

Love and forgive others anyway.

And that is mercy.

                              ***

When wounded remember:

• Love is a choice. It is helpful to remember I am loved by others. From that place of strength, I choose to love the one who has wounded me. It is a process.

• Mercy is a choice. To be willing to extend mercy, it is helpful to remember any mercy I have ever received prior to the offence. It is a process.

• Forgiveness will always be a choice. And yes, it is good to remember the times when I, too, have wounded another, and had to ask for forgiveness. It is a process.

Relationships are a process of interaction. No one is perfect. We have all erred. We must all remember humility as we interact with others.

                              ***

If a person is in an abusive relationship, they do not have to stay in that relationship for love, forgiveness, and mercy to be extended to the abuser.

Taking care of yourself and your children is not an offense, no matter what the abuser says.

Do what you have to do to be safely away from harm. Allow the process of forgiveness to begin from a safe place.

You are worth being safe.

You are worth having a peace-filled life.

Love & peace to all.

Words Matter

It's odd to think about the phases I have gone through with social media. It's sometimes heartwarming and sometimes a bit frightening. I suppose there will always be a maturing process we go through when we learn a new medium of communication.

I confess there is an element of addiction to wanting to know what's going on in the world, just as there is a desire to know what is going on in the lives of my family and my online friendships, too.

In the process of navigating social media, and in taking in as much of the information as I can, I have realized that I have also found my voice. In many ways, that is a good thing. Yet, I've also learned there are drawbacks to being vocal.

I've recently reviewed some of the writings I've posted in the last couple of years, and at times, I've noticed there has been a difference in how I communicate my thoughts. Although I may have strong feelings about a topic or think I am writing with conviction, I may simply be coming across as arrogant.

I've noticed this in my writing. At times, I've also noticed it in other's writings. And I've noticed it in some of the comments I and others have left in response to someone else's posts. I think in some ways we are all growing up in the world of social media.

I suppose the internet has enabled us to become a cynical people. In our online activity, probably more than in our real life interactions, we are all capable of biting one another verbally.

Due to being online, there is a sense of separation between the typer and reader, and because of this divide, it can become easy to say things we might not say face to face.

It is also easy to not take responsibility for any hurt brought about by the words we type because we are not afforded the opportunity to see a face respond in hurt or anger when reading our words.

Whether typed or spoken, our words have the power to wound or bring life.

I've had to ask myself...

When did being right become more important than being kind?

When did it become okay to subtly or maybe not so subtly, shame those with a different opinion than my own?

Did the safety of a keyboard embolden me or has this ugliness been in my heart all along?

Those are questions I must answer for myself.

I understand for some of us soft spoken ones, the safety of speaking our minds in the form of typing has brought with it a sense of freedom.

And perhaps, for those who found their voice years ago, a keyboard merely represents another way to express themselves.

No matter which camp I find myself in, I've found, I need a reminder. 

Kindness is more important than being right.

Humility is more important than having a sense of power.

The people behind each monitor or phone have faces. The hands that type the messages, and the eyes that read the words are both connected to a heart and soul.

The safety of speaking from behind the screen of a computer must never overshadow the humanity within ourselves or within our readers.

So, I want to say to each and every one of you... if in sharing my opinion I have belittled you, or by my words I have insinuated that those who hold a different opinion than I do are unimportant, valueless, or stupid... I am truly sorry, and I ask for your forgiveness.

From now on, I will endeavor to share my opinions, and my feelings regarding my opinions, as well as my thoughts about other's opinions with more tact and sensitivity.

You all matter to me more than my desire to be right about my viewpoints.

In the end, people and relationships are more important than any topic could ever be. I want my writing to be an act of kindness, not a display of arrogance.

Peace to you all.

Donna

Freely Given

Tell me about your good works to help the needy, the broken, and outcasts, and I'll smile and at your efforts.

Introduce me to those very same people you've helped who are your equals, who have been promoted to places above you, who are now your teachers, and I'll know you have served them and not yourself.

There is a difference between ministering to those whom we perceive as less fortunate victims and serving people because they are people... because their humanity, more than their situation, defines them.

The first boosts our egos, the second decreases our ego as we profess... we are equals and yet, I am less without you. We all belong.

I would rather hear about how the lives of those you've helped have changed you and others rather than hear how you have changed them.

Humility and servanthood are the foundation we need to build on, not our individual success stories and our giftedness.

If we define ourselves by the gifts we give, if an expectation of how we should be treated in the future is attached to those very same gifts, then they were not gifts at all, they were payments for future benefits.

Once a gift is given it belongs to the one who received it. The giftor holds no claims to the gift nor claims over the one receiving the gift. It is freely given.

That is the type of gift that is given in love.

The goal of service is not to have others look, act, and believe the exact same way I look, act, and believe.

The goal is for them to love others... no matter what.

It is not about what we do; it is about how we love.

"Freely you have received; freely give." Jesus

Grace

Grace sometimes looks like the ability to get out of bed and go be with others when all I want to do is hide under the covers.

At other times, grace leads me into a deserted soulful place to be alone so I can get to know myself, when I would rather be with my friends.

And finally, grace is knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am loved in solitude and in community.

Grace, the anchor of being; the paradox of entrusting life into the hands of the broken; the jewel of those who breathe.

Life is a gift. I'm slowly learning to believe it; I'm slowly learning to breathe.

PRIDE

Certainly, pride can be a downfall, especially if the proud berate, condemn, and degrade those they think are sinful. Of course, that is the ugly side of pride. (Each and every one of us has the potential to fall into that trap.)

However, to me, PRIDE means this:

Authenticity
Courage
Honesty
Acceptance
Freedom
Bravery
Community
Love

I'm not ashamed of who I am. If my choice is to be in a closet, cowering because of judgement from prideful people or be out and proud, I choose to be out; I choose to be me... nothing more or nothing less than who I am.

Pride is only a dirty word if it is used to harm other people. So to those who curse us, we bless you to find love, we bless you to find peace, we bless you to find the commonality of our shared humanity rather than focusing on our differences that cannot be changed.

Love is stronger than hate.
Acceptance is more powerful than condemnation.
Kind words heal what degrading words have wounded.

I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my community for standing tall... For discarding the shame of the accusers... For being authentic in a hostile culture... For being real.

I'm also proud and thankful for the many gays and lesbians who over the years have fought for the rights of their community. We have every reason to be proud of you. Thank you!

PS I'm also very grateful for all the folks who have stood up for their friends and family members within the LGBT community. We are thankful for you, and we are proud of you, too!

My Journey Toward God

I began my journey of religious deconstruction thinking I understood where I was going, how I would get there, and what it and I would look like when I arrived.

I'm still on my journey. I've not arrived.

At times I feel like I look worse now than when I began. It's taken time to realize the deconstruction is just as much within me, as it is in the dismantling of the man-made constructs in which I believed.

On this journey, the realization is dawning on me, that what I thought my was a strong foundation (doctrine of my denomination and aspects of how my tribe did church) was sand, and what I felt was revelatory (eye opening) within this construct, was not...my eyes were, and in areas are still, blind.

The deconstruction of the the way I did church, the way I viewed life, and the way I viewed God, are painful. There is, however, hope as reconstruction occurs, but the process is not merely a recognition of a new truth, it is a reorientation of life in regard to God... Father, Son, Spirit.

Deconstruction is a part of reconstruction. The journey has been filled with joy as well as grief and pain as well as peace. I've had to come to terms with the fact that in all my Christian values, I truly didn't know how to forgive. And if I couldn't forgive, I sure didn't know how to love. I recently was asked been how this process has been for me, my answer struck me as poignant, "It's been a beautiful misery."

This post, for me, is a part of the beautiful misery. It's painful to realize how easily I can co-mingle the way I choose to express my beliefs with who I think God is.

Thankfully, the journey continues. Thankfully, my eyes are being opened one step at a time. Thankfully, God is outside the constructs of my box, and thankfully, he is lovingly beckoning me to pick up my cross and follow him.

Kindness

One of my favorite things to do over the years has been to watch sappy commercials and movies. And with the advent of the world wide web, I now enjoy watching short, sappy video clips. And yes, from my youngest days until now, and for probably for the rest of my life, I will cry when I watch them.

For a long time I was embarrassed by my tears, and if anybody else was around, I would covertly try to hide them. The longer I live, the less I care if others see those pesky, salty droplets rolling down my face. Because... when I watch people deliberately show kindness, that is either spontaneous or well thought out, my heart jumps, it grows, it cries, and everything in me says, "This is what life is all about!"

In that split second, when we are kind to another person, or animal, or even to nature, we show ourselves, not only to be the best we can be, but we show that connection to one another matters. People matter. Animals matter. Creation matters. We are interrelated in the most incredible ways.

Community happens and is fused together by intentional acts of kindness. It is a tribute to life, to love, and it marks our place in the universe. I honestly think that kindness has the ability to change everything.

I have learned that the seemingly littlest act of kindness can produce the largest change. So I want to be kind. I want to love well. I want to be so intentional about those things that I would be more amazed that they don't happen than I am when they do happen.

When I see kindness in real life or through the media, I hope and pray that my heart and soul takes note of the intentionality I've witnessed in others and I follow their lead. In following, I need to remind myself that intentionality of the heart begins with a decision. So today I will be kind. Today I will make a difference in someone's day.

I can guarantee you as kindness happens in and around me, my tears will flow. And I can also tell you that when that happens, I will feel no shame about it. I hope my tears water the hard places of my heart so that kindness will continue to grow.

If kindness is the smile on the face of life, I want to share it; I want to see others share it. Today, let's see how we can change the world with our acts of kindness. I want to hear your stories. They inspire me to risk, to grow, and to be kind.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day... a day set apart from all other days. A day, as a nation, we remember those who willingly put themselves in harms way to support and defend our constitution, our ideals, and a way of life which we hold dear.

The reality is every day some family member in the United States thinks about a loved one who lost their life, who became a casualty of war, whether on or off the battlefield. Everyday, a father, a mother, a brother, a sister, an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, or a friend is missed... is longed for... is painfully grieved.

Lives have been lost due to wounds sustaind on the training ground, during battles, and after wartime from post traumatic stress. Other lives have been altered; changed in a blink of an eye, forever. As an individual, as a family member, as a friend, as a citizen we are all diminished by those lost to the ravages of war. On a soulful level, individually and collectively, we bear the wounds of the fallen and the brokenhearted.

We remember when our breath was taken away by the loss of a loved one, yet, we also know that when our tears dry, when a new day dawns, we will still remember. We will still grieve. We will still be proud of the courage, the bravery, and the love in which a solider chose to stand. We will remember. And we will honor the place each of these people have had in our lives.

As we stand in solidarity with the community of our fallen soldiers, our fallen brothers and sisters, we take note of the saying,

"E Pluribus Unum." - "Out of Many, One."

On this Memorial Day, we as a nation acknowledge, honor, and remember the individuals who have fallen... and we remember those who are Missing In Action, and in doing so, we unite ourselves as one to say,

"As a people, we will remember the life you gave. As a people, we acknowledge that your life mattered. As a people, we are changed by your courage as well as your loss. As a people, we say thank you for your dedication, intentionality, service, and sacrifice. And as a people, we long and pray for peace."

On this Memorial Day we remember... with love in our hearts and tears in our eyes... the soliders... the people... our loved ones.

No Slugs, Please

Nature called in the middle of the night last night. As I travelled from my bedroom to the bathroom, I was in that half sleepwalking fog, half scurrying mode where you don't really open your eyes, you just intuitively know how to blindly get from one place to the other... quickly.

Imagine my surprise after I rounded the living room and entered the kitchen... and stepped in... dog doo. My words were close to, but not exactly, "Ew, Ew Ewwwww... darn it!" Then imagine the rush of adrenaline as the fog lifted and I remembered that I don't have a dog!

I hopped the rest of the way into the bathroom, as a sound, that I have never heard before, was coming from my mouth. Fear had now replaced all my previous grogginess. So much so, that I was afraid to turn on the light. I didn't want to see what was mushed between my toes and I sure didn't want to see what had slithered into my house in the middle of the night! Oh God, please don't let there be slugs or snakes on this ranch.

Ewwwww! I felt like crying. I felt like throwing up. I felt like calling my sisters, my mom, and all my friends to come help me. I felt afraid to leave the bathroom. I felt afraid to even move. I felt paralyzed. I felt completely undone. I felt... like... I could... smell... banana.

I must have missed the trash can earlier in the evening when I threw away the bruised part. Relief doesn't begin to express my feelings that calamity had been diverted. Holy cow what a night. Dear God, I promise to never miss the trash can after eating a banana, if you promise that there will never ever be dog doo or slimy, slithery things on this ranch or in my house. Do we have a deal? Thank you. Amen

Remembering My Mom's Love

I remember when I was four… we lived in England. My two older sisters were in early elementary school. My mom would make a bag lunch for them every day, and then we would walk my sisters to school, which was in Miss Lacho’s home. Since the school was just down the street from our flat, I rode my tricycle to help escort the girls there in the mornings and then back home again later in the day.

Life was good… except for one thing. I wanted to be just like my two older sisters. They got to do everything I didn't. I can’t say I necessarily wanted to go to school at that point in time, but I did want a bag lunch. I remember as my mom would be making the bologna sandwiches in our dinky kitchen, I would be right at her side whining, “Pleeeeease….. Can I have a sandwich, too? Pleeeeease…”

How she stood it, I’ll never know… until that glorious day that she made me a mustard sandwich! Oh my God! She was the best mom in the world! I was on cloud nine. When we delivered my sisters to Miss Lacho’s, I rode sitting taller on that tricycle than I ever had before. I weaved in and around my sisters like nobody’s business! I owned that sidewalk! My mom made me a mustard sandwich and I knew in the deepest place of my soul that I was loved!

Truth be told, there have been quite a few mornings as I’m making my lunch to take to work that I also make myself a mustard sandwich for a pre-breakfast snack. As I stand in my dinky kitchen and eat, my mind either drifts off in wonder of how my mom is doing in Alabama or I remember that day fifty and a few years ago as I stood at my mom’s side, holding onto her leg, craning my neck as I looked up at her and begged for a sandwich, begged to be just like my big sisters. And I remember the twinkle in my mom’s eye as she lovingly looked down at me and handed me that sandwich and then ruffled my hair as she said in her quaint southern accent, “Now get out from under my feet.”

I love you, Momma Pat. Thanks for all the good memories and thanks for the mustard sandwich! Happy Mother’s Day! You’re still the best!

Did He Really Just Say That?

"On Monday, Missouri Rep. Rick Brattin (R-Harrisonville) was arguing against an amendment to Senate Bill 43, which would have banned discrimination in employment, housing and public accommodations based on sexual orientation and gender identity in the state, The Kansas City Star reports. At present,  residents can be fired from their jobs or evicted from their apartments for being gay, or just being perceived as gay. But Brattin said he believed extending anti-discrimination protections to LGBTQ Missourians would infringe on religious liberty.

“When you look at the tenets of religion, of the Bible, of the Quran, of other religions,” Brattin said from the Missouri House floor, “there is a distinction between homosexuality and just being a human being.”"

Excerpt of an article written by Curtis Wong. 5/11/17

My thoughts:

And the public dehumanizing by a government official continues. Rick Brattin's views have certainly been heard before, just not as loudly. And of course, those same views are shared by many of his Republican cronies. Why else would these type of arguments against gays and lesbians be touted over the last few years within state legislatures across the country?

What makes Monday's occurrence different is this time, we have an acting President who would eagerly jump on these ugly views and support them for the sole purpose of garnering "loyalty" for himself, for any future endeavor he desires. (If you are not in the 1%, I'm pretty sure his endeavers will not include you.)

If no one speaks out against these types of comments, how much easier will it be to pass laws that will blatantly discrimate against, gays, lesbians, Muslim, blacks, and the poor... and any other marginalized citizen.

To dehumanize a people group is the first step of the powers that be to suggest that America would be alleviated of its problems if she were to rid herself of these "non-humans."

In my life, I've heard many a Christian say if they lived in Europe during WW 2, they would have stood and fought for those who were dehumanized... i.e. the Jews, the Chistians, the gypsys, the gays, the lesbians, the disabled, and all the others who were declared non-human, and yet, those same people are supporting an administration and political party who are using the same type of verbiage to subjugate and suppress whole people groups.

Scoff at these words, I don't care... actually, I do care.

If you say you would have stood up for those dehumanized 75 to 85 years ago, then stand up for those of us being dehumanized today.

Now's your chance. If you won't be a voice or refuge today, don't kid yourself, you wouldn't have been one during the atrocities of WW 2.

Hate produces blatant hate. Indifference, in my opinion, is worse than hate.

If you would defend your political preference over a gay or lesbian, you are as much a part of the problem as Rick Brattin, and consequently, I am sad for the littleness of your soul.

If you say, "This is America. That could never happen," you have just minimized hatred, and burying your head in the sand will not lessen or stop the momentum of hatred.

Minimization is only one step away from indifference. Speak up now.  Call your representatives and voice your disapproval of the dehumanizing of any citizen... no matter whether you agree with who they love or not.

Don't be fooled. We as Americans are only as strong as our most vulnerable people. If we will not stand up for the vulnerable, when the tables turn and we become the vulnerable, they'll be no one to stand up for us.

I'm not asking you to change your political or religious philosophies, I'm asking you to find the courage to stand up for a group of people. Or if it helps to personalize it, stand up for me. I am a person; I am human. And I'd appreciate your help in stopping the hatred.

Unexpected Thank You

Every so often, I come across a book that captures my attention, and opens my eyes to a new reality. For days after I turn the last page, I find, in my more contemplative moments, that I am still processing the story and how it has changed my understanding of life. I return to these types of books yearly, or at least every other year. And each time I spend time in the pages, a new and fascinating discovery is found. I'll never tire of reading my favorites over and over again.

Most of my favorite books would be considered classics and sadly, the authors have passed on into another life. Yet, some of the authors are still alive, and every once in a while, I have penned or emailed a thank you note to thank them for the brilliant way they crafted their words to create a fictional dimension that has the capability to change lives in the here and now.

I never expect a response. Why would I? A thank you card from a fan, does not require a response. It is just my way to show appreciation for the hard and diligent work an author puts forth. It also, I hope, is an encouragement to them that their art has made a difference.

So imagine my surprise today when I opened my mail and found a beautifully crafted response of a thank you, for your thank you!

I haven't stopped smiling since I opened that letter! 😄

Soul Life

Every so often I learn something that reverberates within my being until it finds a place to settle, and then, change quickly follows.

This experience is not like placing an ice cube in a glass and watching the liquid rise to the point of overflow. No, what I'm speaking about is different. What I'm speaking about is like releasing an ice cube into the liquid and watching the glass expand.

I believe our souls are genderless. Yet, for the sake of writing artistically, and since I am female, I'm going to genderize the pronoun and use... she. I do this for no other reason than it sounds more respectful to me than the word it.

My soul is not static... she can grow, thirst, and rest. She can feel pain and sadness as well as strength and joy.

My soul is not my mind or my intellect, nor is she my heart or my personality. She is not my ego or the mask I wear.

Perhaps my soul, at my core, is an invisible container which somehow networks with all the other parts of my being to bring about a synergy within that completes me.

I'm not an expert in psychology; I'm not even an amateur. I am only speaking from my experience and my observations in life.

I'm always open to learning about the ways we survive and function, but mostly I want to know how to truly live.

And what I do know is as I live intentionally, as I lower the masks that I once found a sense of safety behind, as I know and am known, as I am diligent in seeking knowledge as well as wisdom, as I practice gratitude and humility, as I rest, and as I love... I will find growth in each of these areas.

In the midst of all that, I find at my core, in my heart of hearts, in the place where I give of myself to another and the place I receive from another into myself, I find me, my soul, the networking of all the facets of who I am... and I find she is aware and actively participating in the flow of life in and around me.

As I listen to and love her, as I "just be present" with no internal or external agenda, I find life. I find this life can grow or shrink, depending on how I nurture her with care, love, and truth.

In that place of being, I find the essence of who I am. And in that place all is well and all will be well.

On judging others...

"This is a difficult topic, Maxwell, and I have some questions, as well as, some thoughts. Okay?        
Say you have two people who are in love with one another and want to get married. They want to make a commitment to love, honor, and cherish one another. They want to share in a covenant of love and faithfulness with one another. And they dearly want God and their community to be their witnesses in this celebration. Both of these people are Christians, and to the best of their abilities, they each love God with all their heart, soul, body, and strength. And the fruit of this love for God is shown in their love for their neighbors as they do what they can to feed and clothe the poor, help the orphans and the widows, stand up for the downtrodden, and be a voice of love and reason against any injustice. These acts of kindness are for the neighbors they know and for the neighbors they don’t know. All in all, it would seem, any church in America would welcome these people, who willingly love God and walk out their faith by loving others, to be joined in matrimony…

as long as they were heterosexual.

So here are my questions, Maxwell. Why does it matter to the “church” if these two people are heterosexual or homosexual?

In light of the above description of this couple, why does it matter if they are a man and a woman, two men, or two women?

And if perchance, one or both of the homosexual people in this relationship wants to be ordained, how is that a bad thing?

I mean, they love God, they love their neighbor, and they desire to be in a committed and covenant relationship with one another. Are not all of those things desirous in a pastor or, for that matter, in a human being?

I hear your heart, Maxwell, and Father Gene’s, too, in saying, “there is only us, and we are all a mess."

I, too, stand with you in regards to this. God knows that other than Jesus, there are no perfect people.

However, I find in my church community of choice, I also stand on the outside of the church looking in.

I stand on the outside of a marriage covenant.

I stand, holding in the balance, either betraying the traditions of the church or betraying myself.

I find that in the diversities of these weights and balances, what really matters to me are three things:

loving God and being loved by God,
loving my neighbor -  no matter what,
and loving another soul and being loved by them.

In the scope of eternity, I ask you, what else matters?"


The above quote is a comment I posted on a Facebook thread many years prior to marriage equality. The topic is still relevant today in regard to gays and lesbians being accepted within ministry in most denominations.

It seems to me, until the heterosexuals within power in any church can put a stop to any and all sexual atrocities perpetrated by heterosexuals, within or outside of a ministry, they have zero rights to point a finger at homosexuals and label them deviant in comparison to heterosexuals.

No doubt, there is sin committed by homosexuals... just as there are sins committed by heterosexuals.

Falling in love with another heterosexual or homosexual adult is not a sin. However, in either case, if either of these persons use their power, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual to harm another, than that is the sin in which we should show our concern.

Within the context of adult relationships, it is not about who we love; it is about how we treat the one we profess to love.

Any person, no matter their sexual orientation, can bring either a blessing or harm to others... whether they are in relationship with the other or not.

When leaders within the church use their authority to label who, in their opinion, is deviant or outside of God's original intent or they take it a step further to say who is outside of God's love and grace, they have made the outcast and they have wounded the outcast.

In their words and in their actions, they show that they are, in fact, the ones who have perverted the name of a loving God. For the outcast will always be dear to God's heart.

Here's an honest question... do these leaders not think they have any sin in their lives?

For in the scope of God's holiness in which they are trying to protect, one single sin committed by a human, makes him or her a deviant.

We are all sinners.

I'll confess to you that I am a sinner. However, one of my sins is not the fact that I love another woman.

Before judging, remember...

When we find stones in our hands or judgemental words crossing our lips, they are a sure representation of sin as well as pride in our hearts.

Words can wound as surely as stones.

We should all remember, we will be judged in the same way we have judged.

Sisters

I learned all about friendships from my sisters. I've heard it said that we don't truly appreciate family members until we grow up. That may be true for some, but in regards to my sisters, it doesn't apply to me. I knew I had a treasure in each of them when I was a kid. Of course, we all have had moments of disagreements and arguing, but those are mere moments in comparison to a lifetime of loyalty, friendship, and love.

As a kid, I remember wanting desperately to be like my older sisters. I wanted to keep up with all the things they did. I remember feeling proud of them and being in constant amazement of all their accomplishments.

And I remember waiting for my younger sister to get big enough to play with me. I'd check on her daily to see if she got any bigger over night. I wanted a playmate just like my older sisters had in each other. I remember walking away from her crib thinking, "Almost... She's almost big enough." For years she and I  were inseparable... partners in fun and the innocent crimes of childhood.

And finally, I remember when I was almost ten and my youngest sister was born. I was absolutely mesmerized by everything her. I remember the first time I saw her... I was in awe. She was so little and I promised myself that I would love and protect her my whole life. She, just as each of my other sisters, had captured my heart.

I treasured each of those girls as we grew up together and I treasure each of these women now. The best gift my mom gave me, besides her love, is my sisters. The best gift I can give my sisters and my mother is to love them as well as they have loved me.

Whether we live near or far from one another, my sisters are always close to my heart. How could that not be... as each of them have stenciled the meaning of love and friendship on my heart and soul. I love them and I honor the place they have in my life.

Humility

To love with mercy and to do justice are choices each of us are confronted with everyday. To serve them without humility would lessen their impact and somehow, they would still be revenge.

Humility is foundational to mercy, justice, peace, and love. Humility is the power of forgiveness and it is the strength of compassion.

When we have received mercy and been forgiven, when a hand of justice is extended to us with compassion, when we know love and thereby enter into peace, humility and thankfulness will fill our souls. And we find we are able to draw from that very same well to offer those blessings to others.

Humility knows we are re-gifting a gift. It is our pleasure to do so. This is how we love our family, our friends, our neighbor, the outcast, and our enemy.

Granted, it's not always easy, but love never fails.

A Rose

Petals fall littering the ground with beauty. Even in death her elegance gives pause.

Does she know her time is short or is she completely secure in the present?

Oh, what a flower! True to herself as she follows the laws of narure. Year after year she awakens to new life. In the course of her days, she regally displays her majesty as she stretches from root to bud. Silently opening as light becomes the air she breathes. Admiration is captured as eyes hold what hand cannot.

A stillness becomes her as she releases aroma as well as nectar. An open invitation for bees to freely take what is needed. Does, I wonder, a hive retain the scent of a rose?

Rosa, from seed to flower, unquestionably deliberate.
Uncommonly beautiful in her varying yearly sameness.

Standing tall on stalks of thorns. Proudly she arms herself with beauty and sword. Daring and inviting all, save insect, to gaze from afar. Perhaps her truce with bees is based on their shared ability to wound with a sting.

Twice blessed with beauty and intention.
For no other flower speaks of love and pain as does this rose.

Dressed in finery for all to admire. The feminine knight. Many a body and soul bears her scar. A visual warning. She holds her boundary in her being. She will protect her fragility with a wound. Her being is not filled with wrath. She only requires respect.

Behold, the rose. Beware, her sword. Enjoy her beauty. She'll speak of your heart if you'll allow her to.

A Rose

Petals fall littering the ground with beauty. Even in death her elegance gives pause.

Does she know her time is short or is she completely secure in the present?

Oh, what a flower! True to herself as she follows the laws of narure. Year after year she awakens to new life. In the course of her days, she regally displays her majesty as she stretches from root to bud. Silently opening as light becomes the air she breathes. Admiration is captured as eyes hold what hand cannot.

A stillness becomes her as she releases aroma as well as nectar. An open invitation for bees to freely take what is needed. Does, I wonder, a hive retain the scent of a rose?

Rosa, from seed to flower, unquestionably deliberate.
Uncommonly beautiful in her varying yearly sameness.

Standing tall on stalks of thorns. Proudly she arms herself with beauty and sword. Daring and inviting all, save insect, to gaze from afar. Perhaps her truce with bees is based on their shared ability to wound with a sting.

Twice blessed with beauty and intention.
For no other flower speaks of love and pain as does this rose.

Dressed in finery for all to admire. The feminine knight. Many a body and soul bears her scar. A visual warning. She holds her boundary in her being. She will protect her fragility with a wound. Her being is not filled with wrath. She only requires respect.

Behold, the rose. Beware, her sword. Enjoy her beauty. She'll speak of your heart if you'll allow her to.

A Tribute to Friendships

Cheers, my friends, cheers!

To days filled with deep laughter and deeper still with words birthed in the secret places of the soul that are shared, not with an acquaintance, no, nor with an unknown, but with a friend.

Hear, my friends, hear!

Your eyes, like mine, look beyond the mask and sees the soul. Your ear, like mine, bends to hear not just the words, but the heart. And woven into the tapestry of friendship is trust, yes, trust is unquestionably the strongest of threads which willing remains in the shadow, yet binds our hearts and souls together.

Love, my friends, love!

Images of days gone by, too numerous to count, are blurred in feelings of forever. For surly your kindness is more than a gift, yes, more than a token. For your kindness has gently traced your likeness upon my soul. And I am a better person for knowing you.

And you, my friends, I will carry throughout eternity, yes! However, now that I think about it, eternity may not be enough time to enjoy who you are!

Cheers, my friends, cheers!
To... friendships! To... happiness! To... being known! To... life! To... now! And to... forever!

Forgiveness

What made Jesus authentic to some was not his resurrection, it was his wounds.

Think of Thomas' words, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe."

Friday's death can never be separated from Sunday's resurrection.

For although Jesus forgave humankind for the betrayal, torture, and death, he still bares the wounds.

Forgiveness does not take the memory or the wound away.

Forgiveness means there won't be retaliation. It means the enemy is loved.

Forgiveness is not a trite expression or offering. The one giving it is laying down their life again. Forgiveness means there will be no eye for an eye. The cycle of retaliation is finished and it is complete love which breaks the cycle of violence.

The forgiver is saying to the one who inflicted the wound, "You are free of my judgement. Although I'll bear these scars my whole life, I'll welcome you into relationship."

Do you ever wonder if the wounds inflicted on Jesus were still physically painful on Sunday and beyond?

I can't imagine they wouldn't be. And yet, even with the painful reminder of the offence, he loves anyway.

True, there is no greater love given than a person lay down their life for a friend... even if that friend betrayed, tortured, and killed him.

Perfect Love. Perfect Man. Perfect God.

We are loved more than we can ever know.

The Day Between Death and Life

There was not any anticipation of resurrection on this weekend two thousand and some years ago. Jesus was dead. Gone. Never to be seen again. Hope was lost. Dreams smashed. Pain, though overwhelming, had not yet turned to anger. Some were in a daze. Others wracked with grief. Some thought they had saved a nation, while others did not mourn at all.

All of them awoke on Saturday to the same routines they had followed ever since they entered this world.

All day long, no matter their emotional state, they remained true to the cultural norm of their Sabbath. They followed the rules, least they sin and offend God.

Ironic, don't you think?

The same folks who betrayed, tortured, and killed God on Friday, feared to offend him, by doing any sort of work at all, on Saturday.

In their disdain of a peaceful man they showed they were ruled by their fears of a retributive God.

Yet the reality is no one truly believed Jesus was the exact representation of God, in their eyes he was just a sinner, so Saturday was just another Sabbath to all.

And during that day as they obeyed the rules:

Some grieved over the death of a good man.

Some thought their violent actions brought peace to their nation.

Others were wrapped in the realization they had betrayed their best friend by failing to stand with him in his time of need.

Some people's hopes were dashed when the one who they considered to be their Messiah failed to redeem Israel.

All, no matter what emotions they carried, had this in common... their own interests were more important to them than the man in the grave.

My point as I ponder all this is:

Not much has changed with the passage of time.

Today, some still stand in hopelessness.
Some still use violence as a means to peace.
Some beat themselves up for their acts of betrayal towards God.
Some don't believe Jesus was God.

All woke up today and followed the rules and routine just like every other Saturday of their lives.

The gap between the death and resurrection of Jesus is filled with... humanity, with us.

Humankind, in all our foibles, different beliefs, cultures, rules, and ability to kill God on one day and wake up the next morning to try to please him, is still represented today.

"Today," is the day between that Friday and Sunday... we all stand in this day... the day between death and life.

For the disciples, it seems to me, choosing to believe in the resurrection after it happened was an easy choice. It required no faith on their part. Until they experienced the reality, they didn't believe. In a sense, prior to the resurrection, the death of Jesus nullified his teachings. It wasn't until post-resurrection that the disciples truly learned to live by faith and take in the importance of his teachings.

What takes faith... is living intentionally. Living each day in opposition to the futility of the vague. Living in the seen while believing in the unseen. And living with hope while dealing with the mysteries of pain that plagues and burdens humanity. By welcoming patience within ourselves and others... not knowing if the seeds of faith, hope, and love that are being planted will grow in us or in the field of lives around us.

Living purposefully while loving God, loving our neighbor, and loving our enemy are the most profound things we will ever do.

I believe these three things matter more than any particular doctrine. They are how Jesus lived before and after the cross.

Little did the disciples remember, it wasn't the death or resurrection that brought forgiveness or peace with God. Both peace and forgiveness were offered to them and others by Jesus prior to his death... during his ministry as well as during a time when he knew he would be betrayed.

In his darkest hours on the cross, his heart was for forgiveness and peace when he spoke of forgiveness for humankind's fumbling and ignorant way of trying to appropriate peace through violence.

Never has peace come by violence. If we experience peace by killing our enemy we are representing a spirit that is the antithesis of Jesus and his father. This manner of living invites and incites more violence.

No, the peace we long for comes to us from a man who died loving those who betrayed and killed him. His peace to us came in the form of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

Lasting peace always follows forgiveness. It's why Jesus could say, "It is finished."

On the other hand, retaliation will bring a temporary ease, yet once the ease dissipates and the offence is taken up again, violent retaliation will be required. It is never finished.

Hense, a follower of Jesus will serve and love all others, and will most likely be persecuted for doing so.

Nothing angers hatred more than loving-kindness.

Paradoxically, loving-kindness is what it takes to change a heart filled with hatred.

It will always be easier to protect our interests by living in the routine of a religion that is built on the laws of retribution rather than in the innocence of love that desires well-being for all others.

However we live, it will always be our choice.

"Today," in all its customary routines is simply a reminder of the fact that each of us have a choice in how we will live in a community of humans on a daily basis.

If we are followers of Jesus, will we reflect the God who loved us completely before his last breath was taken on Friday and continued to love us all the way through and beyond his first breath on Sunday or will we reflect only our own interests?

On this day, this Saturday that is bound between death and life, whether in the agony of hopelessness or not, we have an opportunity to choose.

And perhaps, the choice made in darkness to believe in light, or the choice made during violence to forgive instead of retaliate is what faith is all about.

In the darkness of this middle day, its helpful to remember:

God's love never fails. In him love, forgiveness, and peace are found every day.

Words

I'm covered in words. More now than ever before. They are everywhere. I can hardly be still. I can hardly remember how to quiet my heart. I can barely hear silence calling. Can you hear her? For me, anymore, it's only when I close my eyes. Yet silence is more than sleep. Silence is invigorating, fulfilling, and peaceful.

Listen, she is calling.
Listen in the silent places. Listen to the moment. Listen to the language that has no words.

It's all around us.
It's in us.
It's now.

Silence is calling. Unplug and recharge. Life is more than words. Life is being. I mustn't let my desire to chase after and capture the multitude of words that bombard our society cause me to miss the moment.

I must stop.
I must listen.
I must live.

A cacophony of meaningless words will fill the quiet space if I allow them to. If I allow the distraction, I will miss the moment. I will miss the strength the silent presence of peace brings.

Shhh... quiet your heart and listen to the silence with me...

Who are you?

Did you cry over the deaths?
Or did you thank God that some of our enemies were destroyed?
Did you mourn for the loss of civilians?
Or did you think the world is minus some extremists?
Did you weep with the families who lost loved ones?
Or did you celebrate this attack as an inroad of righteousness judgement onto a godless nation?


Who are you?

Perhaps a Middle Eastern citizen rejoicing over the death of capitalistic infidels on 9/11 sixteen years ago?

Or maybe an American citizen who this week rejoiced and proclaimed that any death of a Muslim in the middle east is a death of a potential terrorists?

Or are you a member of the global human race who weeps over senseless deaths, who believes violence only produces more violence, and one who longs for a peace that is made possible by loving an enemy.


"Any man's death diminishes me, because I am a member of mankind." ~ John Donne

(No Man is an Island)


"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.'
I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst." ~ Jesus

(Matthew 5:43-44, The Message)

The Gift of Friendship

Friendship is a treasure chest filled with invaluable gifts meant to be shared between souls.

Kindness, honesty, love, laughter, loyalty, fun, sincerity, and protectiveness are just a smattering of the gems passed between one another.

The cohesiveness that holds it all together is trust.

Be true to yourself and be true to your friend. Guard the place of trust that connects you and you'll find the treasure chest will be bottomless. And you and your friend will reap the benefits for life.

I wish you all much happiness in your long lasting friendships!

When I think of my friends, I can't help myself, I smile. Do you?

Effect of Greed

"You  say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." Revelation 3:17

Love never fails, but we humans can fail to love.

When love of money, power,  country, religious beliefs, socioeconomic status, skin color, or any other thing we can think of is more important, valuable, or intrinsic to life than being kind, generous, and loving toward our fellow humans, we show a lack of realizing our own humanity and a lack of humility.

When greed drives our actions, our souls will suffer, individually and collectively... just as there will be suffering of those we feed off of for our gain.

Do not be fooled, although our bank accounts and lives may be full, greed eats away at our souls and ensures a shallowness of dignity, compassion, and mercy within. Those very things are replaced with pride, which merely fuels our desire to obtain more and more.

And along with our desires to obtain more, greed always begets more greed.

It's a vicious cycle. Personal, corporate, national blindness is the way we deal with the havoc we wreck on others.

If we allowed our eyes, souls, and our hearts to see the devestation that greed demands, in all likelihood, we would change our ways. However, we justify our greed and our subsequent actions to pave the way of requiring more things.

Yet, justifying atrocities for the sake of any type of gain reveals the depth of our depravity.

Our actions have revealed our hearts. Love is available, yet it must be chosen. What will I choose? What will you choose? What will we choose? We are all in this together.

As humans, we may have failed, but love always gives us an opportunity to live honestly and to love sincerely.

Love never fails.

Approval

However nice the approval of others may seem, I am learning, it is not the most essential thing in the world. For a couple of weeks now, I've been thinking about the wisdom of a quote by John Lydgate. He said, "You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

I've found for me, this lesson is learned through experience and pain. For undoubtedly, disappointment, discouragement, and strained relationships follow in the wake of disapproval. 

I'm learning the most important person I need approval from is me. So, I'd like to modify the above pictured quote to reflect my heart:

"I am who I am. Your approval, although desired, is not necessary."

As I have walked this road for the last couple years, Mother Nature has seemed to me to be the comforting presence of God; she has been my solace. The quality of being, existing in a constant flux of change, allowing growth to take place in the ritual of days and seasons, watching as the sun rises and sets, tracking the moon in its continuous orbit, witnessing the dormancy and then the burst in growth of plant life, and enjoying the routine, wistfulness, and faithfulness of animals... has opened my soul and has ushered in a sense of wholeness, hope, and renewal. And although I am still in the midst of the lesson, I am so very grateful for nature's teachings.

Living life, instead of living an ideal, is multifaceted. I'm learning about myself... my weaknesses, and my strengths. I'm learning about my difficulties in extending forgiveness, and I've realized I cannot do so without extending unconditional love. I'm learning about nature and its cyclical faithfulness. I'm learning about peace of heart in the midst of pain, and joy in the midst of suffering. I've felt the sting of a word spoken in frustration, and I've felt a wound close from a word aptly spoken by a faithful friend. I've witnessed the courage of another in offering a truce. I've received forgiveness and I have forgiven. At times, I've done these well, but more often than not, I've stumbled my way through them. I ask you, can it be any other way for a learner? 

And in all this, it's my hope and prayer that I am able to walk in love, mercy, and compassion for myself and others. Because whether humans agree with one another or not, we still belong to one another. In the constant ever-changing ways of our todays, it's my prayer that I will be a faithful friend to each of you. I am who I am. You are who you are. And both of us are beautiful.

What if?

What if the race we seem to be bent on winning was not about...

Power, Arms, Money, Federal or State control?

What if a person's worth was not defined by their political color of choice?

What if race, gender, religion, ethnicity, place of birth, socioeconomic level, intelligence, or last name didn't matter?

What if where we live, what kind of car we drive, or who we know didn't matter?

What if difference on any of the above topics was not enough to sway respect for another human being?

What if we treated others as we desire to be treated?

What if the poor were not considered a drain and the rich were not considered thieves?

What if those who mourn the loss of a loved one were consoled no matter their religion or nationality?

What if soulful humility was more important than power?

What if a those who strive for justice were not considered to merely have an agenda?

What if mercy was held in high esteem, not only for those who agree with us, but for all?

What if those who desire innocence were not treated as witless pipe dreamers?

What if peace doesn't come by war?

What if when we are bullied, it was a sign of our individual strength rather than due to a weakness?

What if the benefits of our beliefs were applied to the outsider?

What if we respected one another?

What if our offence at diversity reveals more about our own heart than those we are offend by?

What if we loved our enemies?

What if our enemies loved us?

What if we respected humanity, animals, and the ecosystem of our planet?

What if we are more alike than different?

What if forgiveness was freely given?

What if how we love one another was esteemed more valuable then our political, national, religious, racial, or gender views?

What if our reasons for allowing love to trail behind our way of thinking were faulty?

What if protecting our rights is not more important than the person who lives next door?

What if we believed that our strength was gauged by the degree we love?

What if we really believed that love never fails?

What if?

Will we really be less for loving more?