Risking My Heart

I've never planted a tree. Nor have I made a baby. I have, however, nurtured a child.

I have admired flowers in the spring, and I've wilted under the hot, summer sun. I've cried when I saw the colors of fall, and gasped in awe as I awoke to snow drifts peeking into the window of my bedroom on the second floor, yet in all my years, I wonder if I have ever truly risked my heart.

My eyes have seen raw beauty. I have marveled at people who encapsulate their culture. Teardrops have fallen from nothing more than receiving a smile from a stranger. I have walked through tropical forests as well as cities founded thousands of years ago. I've beheld and been inspired by the drawings of children just as much as I have been enthralled by the works of world renown artists. I've stood silently and gazed up at the universe while praying for the courage to speak. I've swatted a fly without feeling, while weeping over the death of a loved one, and yet, I wonder if I have ever risked my heart.

Years go by in a blink of an eye. The trail I'm following has just begun to descend the hill. I've set goals, attained some, and discarded most because I fear failing. I've hoped when all seemed hopeless. And still, I've walked away from a sure thing. I've loved and been loved, I've liked and been liked, I've wounded and been wounded, I've forgiven and I've been forgiven. And sometimes, it has taken a long time to forgive or be forgiven. Sometimes, I feel bitter and cynical on one day and carefree and trusting on the next, and still, I wonder if I've ever risked my heart.

Life is more than the length of days. It is more than the beauty surrounding me. My experiences have helped to shape me, but they don't necessarily define me.

No, I've never planted a tree. I have merely scattered seeds.

Perhaps, a seed amongst humans is a kind act, a smile, a friendship, a willingness to love.

I will share my thoughts today. I'll continue to scatter seeds in both word and deed, and perhaps, as time goes by, I'll find as I rest beneath a tree, that I have risked my heart afterall.