The Joy of Flying

On a plane heading towards Texas to meet up with my sister, Margaret, for a road trip to Alabama to see my mother, sister, and nephew! I will try to narrate an event  as it is happening:

I am sitting by a window on the right side of the plane. There is an empty seat next to me and a businessman on the aisle. He's a nice gentleman from Alabama and I enjoyed talking to him before he fell asleep and started snoring. Now, I hate him.

Directly across from our row there are two women in their 30's. Why the age information is important I've yet to find out, but the lady on the aisle has felt the need to relay this info to anybody listening, which apparently is me, three times in the last fifty six minutes. Under the seat between the two women is a cat in a box. A live, very angry feline, who is obviously not a fan of flying. Not only is the animal going berserk, his name is Berserk... or as the lady in the window seat refers to him, "Mama's sweet Berserk". The cat is screaming, he keeps swatting the thirty year old on the aisle through the bars on his pen, and is also having some intestinal issues.

There has been talk of turning the plane around and returning to Oakland because the smell of cat, how shall I put this, #3, is nauseating. Thankfully, the plane is  not full and the people in front of Mama's sweet Berserk have been moved towards the back of the plane. The people in the row directly across from the foul smelling feline from hell have not been so lucky.

In front of me there is a blonde lady who just threw up. The sound made me want to join her. LOL! The man in front of the vomiting blonde just screamed, "Oh for the love of God, I just bought this shirt!" The noise of people yelling woke the snoring freight train up who asked, "Do I smell lunch?" I'll be honest with you, that comment
almost made me throw up in my mouth.

The flight attendants are passing out extra barf bags as well as extra bags of peanuts, because that's what all nauseated flyers enjoy eating as they are trapped smelling the noxious fumes of cat shit and splatters of projectile vomit.

Snoring man is back at it. I hate him. The thirty year olds are arguing about who has to clean up Mama's sweet Berserk's cage. The man with the throw up on his right arm, which by the way, kinda looks like the state of Florida is talking about suing the blonde thrower upper, the thirty year olds and their f-ing cat, as well as the airline. I am feeling ill and an extreme amount of dislike for the majority of the people on this plane. Our next stop is New Mexico. I was thinking of getting off here and walking to Texas, but I was just told by the greenish hue looking attendant that they are throwing Berserk and her mama's off the plane.