Love & Forgiveness

I've come to the conclusion that the meaning of life is wrapped up in two things... love and forgiveness.

I'll be honest with you, I've struggled with both.

To know I am loved and to love, to know I am forgiven and to forgive are things I wrestle with over and over again.

When I think about the dailyness of my life. When I step back and purposely ponder the pieces, whether those are the people who orbit my life, the places I've found myself in, the priorities I've chosen to follow, or the events which were beyond my control.

What I've found is... if love and forgiveness are undervalued or all together absent, my life becomes fragmented.

I become irritated in my own unique ways, and I point my finger at different pieces and blame them for my discomfort.

What I end up with is a handful of glass shards. Although I am aware they have been broken from the main, I take their fragility for granted and try to push it all aside.

Until I realize, all that orbits (people, places, events) are truly a part of who I am.

At that point, I slowly, one at a time, reach for the pieces. I examine them. I acknowledge the brokenness. I remember the moment, the place, and what priority I valued at the time.

I look at the wound. I ask myself, is it one I carry or did I inflict it on another?

Either way, the circumstance has to be acknowledged. It has to be owned. And it has to be enveloped by love and forgiveness.

If not, I remain fragmented.

Yet, if I allow myself to feel the pain of the brokenness, if I allow myself to acknowledge my desperate need for love, if I choose humility, subdue my ego, and remember my need for love and realize others have that same need as well, I begin to release my defensive stance, and I forgive.

Love and forgiveness are not one in the same. They are two completely separate entities. Yet they move in, about, and around one another, always complimenting, always preferring, and always respecting boundaries.

As I draw the pieces to myself, as I place them in their proper places, as I love or receive love, as I forgive or be forgiven, and as I love and forgive again and again, the fragments become a mosaic.

My life becomes me instead of a series of people, places, priorities, and events.

I become whole as I was always meant to be.

And the shards which once represented only pain becomes an integral piece of mosaic beauty.

Letting love and forgiveness move in, out, and around our lives is more than a dance.

Mastering love and forgiveness is not the goal in life.

Love and forgiveness are life. Yet they will always let us choose how we live in this life.

I want to choose well. And although I feel vulnerable, the risk and the ensuing soul-peace are better than the brokenness.